Finding true love?

Sigh. It’s that time of the year again when ‘love, true love’ is promoted on every heart-adorned shop window. What we celebrate on Valentine’s Day is ‘eros’ love—as it’s called in Greek—associated with romance and the emotional rollercoaster of falling ‘in love’.

Eros is perhaps the most esteemed form of love in our culture: a typical rom-com plot such as Sleepless in Seattle tells us it’s not only okay, but right, to leave our partner when we’re swept up in the emotions of eros for a newer, better partner. Songs tell us that eros is the greatest source of joy and heartache. In short, our world is obsessed with emotional, sexual love.

Surprisingly, then, eros love is never mentioned in the Bible—not even in Song of Songs, which is often thought of as the Bible’s ode to sexual love. Instead, this book of love poems translates as ‘agape’ love.Put simply, agape means unconditional love, and is defined by self-sacrifice—described as patience, kindness, trust, humility, selflessness, relentless forgiveness, protection, hope and joy in the truth (1 Corinthians 13).

The most beautiful example we have of agape is in Jesus, who gave up his own life in order to extend his perfect love to us. ‘Love each other as I have loved you,’ was Jesus’ challenge to his disciples—then and now (John 15:13-14).

In comparison to agape, self-seeking eros love is a cheap imitation. As a society, we’ve created an idol of it because we’ve turned away from the greater, true source of love. It is agape that transforms a romance like Song of Songs into lasting love and faithfulness. More importantly, agape brings true love to all our relationships—whether eros or ‘philia’ (the love for friends and family). We find true fulfilment in extending and receiving unconditional love to those God has placed in our lives.

We don’t need to ‘find’ love; we simply need to practice it to those around us. That is the true romance of life.

By Ingrid Barratt (abridged from War Cry, 11 February 2012, p9)