How to Spend Money

Sylvia is passionate about budgeting. But if you think the ‘b-word’ is only for spreadsheet enthusiasts, Sylvia has news: a budget is what allows the adventure to happen.

‘People resent the idea of a budget because of the concept of going without,’ says Sylvia, author of the New Zealand Household Budget Kit, a practical 26-page guide to managing your money. ‘I prefer the term “spending and savings plan”. It’s not about being restrictive; it’s about making a plan to spend.’

The way we spend money in New Zealand is, in fact, a serious problem. According to Christians Against Poverty, 80 per cent of their clients say that their relationships have suffered as a result of debt, and a third have even contemplated suicide.

Our spending habits are not about dollars and cents, but about how we make sense of our value as humans, says Sylvia. That’s why she became passionate about educating young people, in particular, and now specialises in working with teens to help them be financially savvy. In her first book, Parents: How to Stop Your Kids Going Broke, she wrote about the four deceivers:

• the 'we need stuff' deceivers: the advertising industry, whose job it is to make us think we need the right car, clothes, looks and so forth
• the promoting deceivers: the media industry, promoting ‘social stories’ that say we need to be or look a certain way
• the supply deceivers: retailers who offer goods on sale that we ‘need’ right now
• the solution deceivers: the credit industry that convinces us we can afford stuff we haven’t been able to save for.

‘False belief systems can have devastating consequences,’ says Sylvia, ‘I’ve worked with people who are behind in their rent and power, but are convinced they need an updated cell phone. We’ve lost sight of what are needs and what are wants.’

The principles for managing your money are simple, she says. First, come out of denial about your money situation and begin to understand your needs from your wants; second, start living within your means; and third, do anything you can to get rid of debt. Simple—but not easy.

Family matters

The good news is that people who learn to shift their priorities and live within their budgets, can overcome the burden of debt, transform family dynamics and even save their relationships. ‘Financial infidelity can be as destructive as physical infidelity,’ says Sylvia. ‘When people begin to work together to do a budget, there are often disagreements at first, but learning to manage your money together can save your marriage.’

A big part of Sylvia’s philosophy is getting the whole family involved in money management. ‘Children learn from what you do, not what you say, so a good question to ask yourself is: “What are my kids learning from me?” Are they learning to spend more than they have because I lend them money for things they don’t need? This seemingly kind deed could be subtly passing on our debt mentality to the next generation.’

On the other hand, money shouldn’t be scary. ‘It can be helpful to say, “out of mum and dad’s pay, we need this much for electricity, this much for food” and so on. But it’s helpful to avoid saying, “we can’t afford it”.’

Sylvia is also a fan of pocket money, and says having three separate jars named ‘spending’, ‘saving’ and ‘giving’ can be a great education tool: ‘For every dollar you give your child in pocket money, teach them to save 30 cents, give away 30 cents, and spend 30 cents.’

Sylvia’s story

Sylvia’s passion for helping others out of crisis comes from her own, a personal journey from heartbreak to healing. Sylvia married young but discovered her husband was having an affair with her best girlfriend. A few months later, her mum committed suicide. Sylvia briefly got back together with her ex-husband, which resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. In her confused state, she agreed to have an abortion. Her ex-husband picked her up from the hospital afterwards, and dropped her off at home to go on a date with someone else. That was the end of the marriage.

Life slowly got better. Sylvia met John and they got married. They now have two adult children (who Sylvia is proud to report ‘have no consumer debt’).

At the age of 30, Sylvia was invited to church and started going along. After several months, she had a true experience of Jesus where she was ‘propelled forth’ to go up the front of church for prayer. ‘From that day forth, my faith became real,’ she recalls.

‘I was told that when I gave my life to Jesus, everything would be great. But that was not the case for me—all my stuff came to the surface. I had deep, deep grief from all that I was carrying with me.’

God confirmed to her that her unborn child was a daughter, and she named her Emily. ‘Then, the next week, I got a CD-ROM in the post from someone who felt they should send it to me, and it was called “Emily’s Story”. That was real confirmation to me that God was with me, and my child was important to him.’ With God’s help, Sylvia was able to grieve for her unborn child and find healing from her past pain.

Her husband also became a Christian, and together they set a new course for their lives. Even the friend who’d had an affair with her former husband became a Christian. Today, one of Sylvia’s favourite verses is: ‘If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:32).
 
Sylvia trained for a Diploma in Counselling, wanting to become a pregnancy counsellor and help other young women who had been in her situation only to be shocked by the number of women choosing abortion out of financial anxiety. This sparked another passion in her: to see people set free from that even more pervasive bondage in our culture—money and debt.

‘I can get beside people who are struggling. I can put it in plain English and not judge. I can say, “I understand the pain you’re going through”,’ says Sylvia.

Living and giving

Ever since Sylvia and John discovered Jesus, financial giving has been an important part of their faith. ‘Giving can help you manage your finances because you become others-focused instead of self-focused,’ says Sylvia.

‘When we were new Christians, we felt comfortable with giving only five dollars a week … but over time we learned to trust God more.’ When she began giving, Sylvia was amazed at how her desire to shop and spend money disappeared, and their money seemed to go further.

But Sylvia says she developed a ‘give-to-get’ attitude. ‘My thinking was, “I’ll give this amount, so I’ll get this amount”—it doesn’t work like that! It is a heart issue between you and God.’ Over time, she learned that God wanted the first-fruits of her life, whether that was money, time or other ways of giving to God.

‘We had just bought a rental property, and I felt very strongly that we should give away our first week’s rent. It was very hard to do, but in my spirit I felt that it was right. The next day, my husband received a pay rise.’ It’s just one example of how God loves to give to us, far more than we can ever give to him.

By Ingrid Barratt (abridged from War Cry, 16 July 2011, p5-7)