The Parental Cheer Squad

'Tis the season to be … wet, cold and angry on the sidelines?

There’s not much we can do about the weather, but as we hit our strides for winter sports we can check our behaviour when cheering on our favourite team. And keeping our cool is especially important if we’re supporting kids.

My first realisation that some parents take things too far came while watching my oldest daughter play netball around eight years ago. The behaviour of a dad from the opposing team saw him banned from the sideline for the rest of the season. He berated both sides, commanded his own (10-year-old) daughter NOT to talk to opposition players (‘You’re not here to make friends!’), and had all of us inching further and further away down the side of the court. I’d never seen anything like it.

Sadly, since then I’ve seen a whole lot more well-intentioned but similarly unhelpful displays; most of it from football supporters, and occasionally (I confess, to my shame) from me or my husband.

There was one consistently-irritating presence at some of my son’s football games last season. The first time I saw this particular dad I genuinely thought he was on the opposition’s side. I couldn’t understand how he could honestly believe that the toxic pollution he was spouting from the sideline could possibly help either his son or his son’s team.

Most of us know what it’s like to wrestle with frustration as we will our team to victory. We’re largely helpless, unable to make any tangible difference to the score. Silent prayer isn’t an option; it’s tempting but not fair to ask God to choose sides and influence the result. So all we have left in our arsenal is the strength of our voices, which we direct at players, referees and coaches—sometimes with great fury.

But nothing is really helped when we let frustration spill over into angry words. Ironically, the opposite is the more usual effect. As Proverbs 29:22 (CEV) notes: ‘A person with a quick temper stirs up arguments and commits a lot of sins.’

So what is the best strategy for those on the parental cheer squad? On the ‘don’t side’, one coach I talked to says the worst thing about parents coaching their children (or the team) is that they risk killing that kid’s enjoyment of the game. It’s also hugely frustrating and distracting to everyone else, he adds. The same goes for the parent, usually a dad, who thinks he has to constantly get into the referee’s ear. While heckling the ref is part of sporting culture in every country and many sporting codes, there are limits.

He doesn’t let mums off the hook either. Those over-anxious mothers who can’t bear to see their son: subbed, not starting, tackled, pushed or injured need to relax and realise that their kid will enjoy the game more if they do, he says.

The bottom line? Coaches want parents to remember that they go to their kids’ games as fans. The plea of this particular coach: ‘You’re there to cheer the team on, congratulate them when they win and console them when they lose. That’s an important job in itself without trying to play the game for them, or coach them, or coach the referee.’

from War Cry magazine