Sounding Boards

I’m not a quiet television watcher. I like to interact and even argue with what I see and hear. So does my teenaged daughter. Together, we can be a loud and annoying force, debating the opinions of television presenters and news reporters, second-guessing the outcomes of crime shows from the first scene, and praising or ridiculing the life choices of those in the current sway of mindless reality TV shows. We drive the males in our household to distraction. But we have lots of fun doing it!

As parents, we need to value each opportunity we have to spend time with our children, particularly as they get older and we become sideshows to the main attractions of their increasingly separate lives. Their long-term job is to become independent of us; our job is to encourage that independence. Along the way, keeping the lines of communication open will make it easier for our children to sort through the challenges that confront them.

Make space for communication

Making space for communication in your household might involve watching television or movies, as it does in our family (‘Friday Family Film Nights’ are a huge hit with our youngest daughter, for instance). It can mean signing up as coach or supporter for sports (my husband’s area of expertise), hitting the mountain bike or tramping trails together, or being prepared for endless (and often thankless) taxi-driving duties (something my dad did for years). It may mean coming up to speed with the latest computer games, shooting hoops in the back yard, or providing some hands-on cooking lessons.

The worth of such parental interest is hinted at in this passage from children’s classic Peter Pan. J.M. Barrie writes:

It is the nightly custom of every good mother after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds and put things straight for next morning, repacking into their proper places the many articles that have wandered during the day ... It is quite like tidying up drawers. You would see her on her knees, I expect, lingering humorously over some of your contents, wondering where on earth you had picked this thing up, making discoveries sweet and not so sweet, pressing this to her cheek as if it were as nice as a kitten, and hurriedly that out of sight. When you wake in the morning, the naughtiness and evil passions with which you went to bed have been folded up small and placed at the bottom of your mind; and on the top, beautifully aired, are spread out your prettier thoughts, ready for you to put on.

Of course, no parent literally does what this idealised fictional mother is imagined to do in Peter Pan. We don’t rummage through our children’s minds to sort good from bad. But when we make ourselves available as trusted sounding boards, letting our children try out ideas and vent feelings (from absolute highs to the worst of lows), we’re helping them ‘air’ their thoughts to make sense of their feelings and experiences. We’re reassuring them that they’re not alone and unsupported. We’re helping them grow up securely.

Look for opportunities to be your children’s sounding board—and ask God for wisdom to make the most of them.

By Christina Tyson (adapted for web from War Cry magazine)