Freed from Fear

I was raised in a Christian household, but my parents split up when I was 12. I was angry at God because I thought he hadn’t taken care of us. By the time I got to uni, I was an alcoholic and was introduced to marijuana. I eventually began to sell drugs too.

I became a full-time drug dealer, with one employee. I presented a fictional character to my family, and the only other people I knew were drug users and dealers, whom I distrusted. I had no genuine relationships.

I had a lot of money, but it was a shallow existence. I lived my life in absolute fear, always looking over my shoulder. In one month it all came to a head. I came home and walked into the middle of a home invasion, from a guy wanting revenge.

That got the Police involved and they started tapping my phone and following me. They caught me directly after a deal, and I was sentenced to two years in jail for dealing methamphetamine and ecstasy.

In jail, I was determined to become harder, faster, stronger. I dealt with my environment by trying to be completely self- contained. I thought to myself, ‘I’ll work out, meet some bad people. When I get out, I’ll just become very, very bad.’

My mum asked Tom Cole, who led the men’s ministry at Napier Salvation Army Corps (church) to visit me. He came to see me every week.

God put me in a circumstance that I couldn’t control, and I wasn’t handling it. So I asked Tom to pray for me; he did, and he gave me a Bible. The next day, God removed me from that situation.

It was my birthday, and I picked up the book The Cross and the Switchblade. I read it all day, trying not to cry in front of the guys; it had a big impact on me. I hurriedly read through the New Testament, wanting to know what I should do next. When I came to where it says, ‘Love God, and love others’, I knew that was what I was meant to do.

From then on, I saw God’s favour on me in prison. One dramatic example, is that overnight I became the rangatira — the boss — so that when people had problems or conflicts, they would come to me. Quite often, I would just pray about the situation until something changed. God freed me from fear, and I had lots of adventures with him.

When I got out of jail I started attending The Salvation Army. I met Ivan Bezzant, the then corps officer, who has been the biggest influence in my life. He knew that I wanted to be a pastor and preacher, so he gave me an office and reading material. I went to meetings and followed the assistant pastor around. I became part of the furniture. Today, I’m hoping to become an officer.

I am surrounded by a community where I am loved, and where I love those around me. I’m no longer ‘scum’. My relationship with my family has been restored, and I recently got engaged. God has given me back my family, and he’s increased my life with even more love.