Once, I was content and happy, but then I went through the trauma of being sexually assaulted by the same person who hurt me many years before.
After that, I went into shock. I needed someone to talk to, but marijuana seemed to be my only friend. It numbed my feelings and my thoughts, giving me a sense of peace. I searched for happiness in alcohol too.
I was haunted by what had happened to me and became suicidal. On top of this, my children were removed from me. Up until then, the only thing that had been holding me together was my children. But something in me refused to give up.
In John 10:10, Jesus says, ‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’ Satan was leading me to believe I was worthless and that I’d never be good enough. I felt as if I was losing my mind.
My last major drinking session ended in disaster. A few days later, I drove somewhere to be on my own so I could clear my head. I had to make some serious changes. I could no longer go on like this and I had to make things right, but I didn’t know how. Then I sensed a healing presence and the Lord speaking to me. He said, ‘It’s not too late.’
I believed from my heart that those words, which came to me through the Holy Spirit, meant: ‘Come to me, I will cleanse you from all that filth, I will make your path straight. Don’t worry about anything; I will take care of you. You can trust me—everything’s going to be better, I promise!’
I really wanted to believe those words because I felt like locking myself away and throwing away the key.
God urged me to go to church so things could be made right. I believed that was my only hope to be happy and free from all my pain. And so I started attending The Salvation Army, where I recently became a soldier. I have found a place where I belong, a family that continues to transform lives daily, and I am so happy to be a part of that.
I’ve been on this journey since April 2011, struggling to make things right and studying to understand the Word of God. Such a deep spiritual journey has been life-changing in every part of me. My needs are being met with every step that I take toward believing God’s good words.I know that Jesus Christ saved me and loves me. He took my pain and suffering and gave me freedom. As it says in Romans chapter eight, ‘I am free from any condemnation brought against me, and I cannot be separated from the love of God.’
By Natasha Martin (abridged from War Cry, 14 July 2012, p9)